Summer break!

As the girls are getting older, I'm finding that I'm enjoying summer break more than ever before! This week we have been to StL to the Science Center, picnicked in the park, taken a nature walk, played at the water park, and renewed our library cards. I'm so looking forward to all of the summer days to come with my girls!

Untitled (feeling mopey and can't think of a title)

We had some friends and family over for a Memorial Day BBQ on Monday. It was a great time with yummy food and wonderful people. The weather was nice, and the kids were well-behaved. All in all, I couldn't have asked for a more relaxing day. We were also able to visit with some "old" friends, and to spend some time with the sweet newest addition to our family. :) However, despite the good feelings, I couldn't quite keep my mind completely focused. I found myself really missing those who couldn't be here...two people especially. No matter how much time passes, Pop and Dave continue to be in my thoughts daily. I will always think of Pop on these holidays...remembering how we would all gather at his and Mom's house for BBQ. He would get up early and start grilling, and the food would be finished and ready to eat LONG before the first guest arrived. When I was a kid, I never considered him to be a very social person, but as I got older, I realized how much he liked to spend time entertaining people with his stories. The ache in my heart isn't as intense as it was in the beginning, but I don't know if it has necessarily gotten easier. There is still an emptiness there that nothing can ever seem to fill. Maybe it will always be this way? I don't know. What I do know is that I miss him every.single.day. Dave was a huge part of our lives, and every get-together lately seems to have a giant gap right where he should be. This will be the first summer without him, and I'm struggling a bit to adjust to what has become our new normal. The bbqs, the bonfires, trips to Soulard Market and Tower Grove Park, baseball games...they will never be the same without our brother and friend. I find myself bouncing between anger and sadness still, and at times it seems too much to take. There was so much left to say, so many adventures left to take, and I get so mad that we were robbed of that time. I feel so sad that we didn't get the chance to properly say goodbye. I pick up the phone to call, and have to stop myself mid-dial when I remember that he won't answer...and it's like a punch in the gut. I know it'll get "better" (for lack of a better word). After almost 2 years, I can finally think of Pop,and smile instead of cry, and I'm hopeful that it will be like that with memories of Dave, too...someday. It's just that this loss...this grief...this feeling is still so fresh. Five months really isn't all that long, after all. So, my mission is to just take these days, these melancholy, wistful days, as they come and roll with them. To try to focus on the positive things and people in my life, to remember all of the wonderful times spent, to stay present in the moments of my life...to smile through the tears, and to believe that someday I will see them again. It's just that sometimes forever seems so far away...

Thanksgiving....and two months gone

How strange that Thanksgiving also happens to be the two month anniversary of Pop's passing. Two months ago, we were there for our lasagna bake-off. The food was good (if I do say so myself), the weather was beautiful, and I think that if Pop could've chosen his last day, he probably wouldn't have changed a thing.

Today we will go to Mom's house again for lunch. The house will be full with the smells of wonderful food, the sounds of laughter, and the feel of love. He'll be the only thing that's missing, but I know that he won't be far from our thoughts. I don't want to be sad today. I want to be happy and thankful for all that I have. I want to laugh with and enjoy spending the day with Shawn, our girls, my mom, brothers, sisters, nieces and nephew, aunts, uncles and cousins. I want to eat delicious turkey, Mom's dressing, and Pam's green bean casserole. I want to indulge in some of the pies that I baked last night. I want to go to the movies tonight with Mom, Lisa, and Holly, and enjoy the mindless escape for a couple of hours. I want to brave the crowds to shop with Holly tonight.

So, that is my mission...to try for happiness. However, I know that a small part of my heart will be aching, and I think that's ok too.

Homesick

So, it's been three weeks since Pop died. They have been three emotional weeks, to say the least. I think I have felt every emotion that I can describe...from the sadness of losing him, to relief at the end of his suffering, to anger, and everything in between.

I've experienced the loss of people I've loved before, but not a single one of them affected me as deeply as losing my dad. It's a lonely feeling. Although I am blessed to have had the last six years with him, and to have gotten to spend much of his last week here on Earth with him, I am so sad that he had to leave us so soon.

Life goes on after someone dies, and it's a weird thing. I see-saw between normalcy and sadness and then just burst into tears with no warning. The strangest things make me cry.

A friend recently loaned me the book, "Heaven is For Real". I read it today, from cover to cover. It was really a fantastic book. I expected to read it and then just feel completely at peace with everything. That, however, is not the case. While I do feel peace at the reassurances that Heaven really IS up there and my dad is healthy and happy, and that I'll get to see him again someday....I am still so sad.

I haven't been able to describe the feeling accurately until today. The feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes my heart contract and forms a lump in my throat is just like being homesick.

I used to get homesick so badly when I was a kid. I came home early from church camp one year because I missed my parents so badly. I had a hard time spending the night at friends' houses when I was little. I even remember calling my mom and dad on the first night that I moved into my dorm room during college. Just hearing their voices calmed me down. I was soothed by the knowledge that I'd see them again soon, and it would all be alright.

This feeling is just like that. I know that I'll get to see Pop again someday, and that I'll hear his voice. It's just that the wait will be much longer this time around. The greatest reward, though, will be that when we meet again, we'll never have to say goodbye. Thank God for that.

Family Ties

Sometimes great experiences come from not-so-great things. This weekend was a prime example of that.
My dad hasn't been doing well for quite some time now. His health has been very up and down lately...and unfortunately the bad days often outnumber the good ones. I hate it that the strong man I've known all of my life is getting weaker and is now unable to do the things that he once did without effort. It makes me feel sad and a bit powerless.
I think my brothers both notice his decline in health, too, although we never talk about it. It is what (I think) prompted Rob to plan a surprise party for Pop's 71st birthday. I admit that I was shocked at the suggestion. I thought it was a really good idea, and I wanted everyone to be able to spend time with Pop before it was too late...but I honestly didn't know if it would happen. People are busy...and it wouldn't have surprised me if many of them had already had plans for Labor Day weekend. But, I was on board with the idea from the beginning. I crossed my fingers that the people who RSVP'd would actually show up.
As the planning stages continued, I began to get cautiously optimistic about the party. I thought it would make Pop feel great to see how many people love and care about him. I kept my fingers crossed that everyone would come and that he'd have a good day.
Saturday morning dawned sunny and cool. Rob and Shawn left early in the morning to go to F'town to start setting up tables and grilling. By the time the girls and I made it to the house, people were already arriving. I found Pop surrounded by his 4 sons (and son-in-law)...two of whom he hadn't seen in several years. As the morning turned into afternoon, more and more people started arriving. By the end of the day, 83 people had come to help Pop celebrate his birthday. I think it made him happy to spend time with so many family members and to catch up on old times.
I know it was one of the best days I've spent in quite awhile. I didn't get the chance to talk to everyone for very long...but it seemed as if everyone was enjoying themselves catching up with family that they hadn't seen in some time.
For me, visiting with my brothers, nieces and nephews was the highlight of my day. It's funny how time passes so quickly, and you can not see someone for 10+ years...but pick back up like you just saw them yesterday. It's amazing and wonderful how strong family bonds are...and I thank God for the opportunity to strengthen those bonds after all of these years.

WOW...so it's been awhile

The other day I came into the kitchen and noticed that Shawn was looking at my blog. It hit me then that I haven't updated this thing in a LOOOOONG time! I'll do my best to condense the past few months into a couple of paragraphs.

First...Sophie was born on July 7. She turned 6 months old yesterday. She is an absolute dream baby. She is happy and cuddly and sweet...and has completely stolen all of our hearts. Her big sisters adore her and the feeling is completely mutual. Keira and Reagan can make her laugh these great big belly laughs that are just the most amazing sounds in the world.


Reagan turned three on November 10. How can I describe her personality...? I think Kelly says it best when she calls her quirky. She's definitely a "middle child". She's mischievous and can be sneaky...but she also gives the best hugs ever! She is struggling to find her place, and I think, at times, that I need to be a bit more understanding of her struggle. She's so smart and constantly surprises me with the things she says and does.



Keira will turn five on March 11. She's in the 4-year old class in preschool. She's also a smarty. On her first quarter report card, she had mastered almost all of the skills that she needs now (and will need by the end of the first quarter of kindergarten). We're still working on writing her letters, but that will come. She is our sensitive and dramatic girl. She gets her feelings hurt very easily and is always concerned with how others are feeling. She is very sweet and is growing up FAR too quickly! As a matter of fact, while I was writing this, she insisted on changing Sophie's (wet) diaper for me. *sigh*

Getting Ready for Sophie!

Has it really been 16 weeks since I've updated my blog? Let's see...where to start?
Well, first of all, the girls and I are at home for summer vacation. Yay! This school year was a bit trying at times, and I'm sure quite a bit of it had to do with pregnancy hormones. So, needless to say I am thankful to be home and enjoying time with the girls before their new baby sister comes along.In preparation for Sophie's arrival, we've moved the girls into the bigger of the bedrooms. It was quite an undertaking, but we managed to get it cleared out and painted (with the help of Kelly and Holly). The girls LOVE their new, pink, "big girl" room. We still need to get their beds, but they're enjoying it all the same.We also got Sophie's nursery all set up. Again, my girls (and wonderful husband) came through for me and painted the walls. Sophie's room is a lovely shade of purple, which goes well with the glider and ottoman that my mom recovered for me. I'm so excited that my girls have such pretty rooms to call their own.
Right after we discovered that we were adding onto our family, we made the realization that we'd need a bigger vehicle. So, we recently traded Shawn's Honda Accord in for a Honda Odyssey minivan. I LOVE IT! I always said that I didn't want to be a "Minivan Mom"...but I've quickly changed my mind. It's so roomy and drives like a car. :) LOVE IT!
I'll be 36w pregnant tomorrow...and officially starting my 9th month. My EDD is July 14, but Sophie is scheduled to arrive via c-section on Tuesday, July 7....just three weeks from tomorrow. I can't even begin to describe how excited I am to meet our newest family member! I'll keep you all updated when she arrives.

The Results Are In!

We went to the doctor last Wednesday for our ultrasound and 20 week appointment. Holly met us at the doctor's office and was such a huge help. She kept the girls in the waiting room for the first part of the u/s while the technician took the necessary measurements of the baby. First and foremost, my prayers for a healthy baby were answered. I was 20w1d pregnant and the baby was measuring 20w2d and weighing in at a whopping 13oz. :) The tech asked if we were finding out the gender. I said that we were hoping to find out if the baby was cooperative. Then she asked if we were hoping for a boy. I said that I'd be lying if I said a small part of me wasn't hoping for a boy...just because it would be such a different experience for us. So, after some searching, the tech was able to locate the parts (or lack thereof) that showed us that we were having a baby GIRL! I got all teary when she told us...thinking of getting out all of the girls' baby clothes again. I was so excited.
So, then the tech said that we could bring Holly and the girls in from the waiting room for the rest of the u/s. Shawn went to get them and when he came in I asked if he had told them what we were having. He said he hadn't and Keira asked if we knew. I told them, "You're having a baby....SISTER!" Keira was so excited. She climbed up on the chair next to the table where I was lying and said, "Oh! Yay! I love you so much Mommy" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Reagan couldn't have cared less, of course. She wandered around the room checking out all of the equipment while Keira watched the rest of the u/s. Baby girl wasn't so cooperative at first, but we eventually got her to roll over so we could get a look at her face. At one point, she put her hand up next to her face as if she were waving. Keira said, "MOMMY! Look! She's waving at me!" and started waving back at her. It was the sweetest thing.

So, there you have it. We will be adding another baby girl to our family in July. The next step is deciding on a name...

Our Growing Family

I should change the title of our blog as our family isn't so little anymore. We're expecting another addition in July. In all likelihood this will be our last baby. I was a bit sad after having Reagan when I thought that she'd be our last baby...but this time I'm not all that sad. I have always wanted 3 kids, so this number seems right on for me:) Anyway, the pregnancy is going well. I'm 14 weeks along, so we've made it out of the first trimester and I'm not so worried. My doctor is monitoring things pretty closely, so that's a relief! I'm looking forward to finding out the gender in about a month and a half. Keira is hoping for another sister, but I just want a healthy baby. I know that may sound cliche, but it is the absolute truth! I'll keep you posted;)

Happy Halloween!

Here are a couple of photos I took of the girls this morning in their Halloween shirts. They're looking forward to getting all dressed up in their costumes tonight and trick-or-treating. I'll have to post some more photos tomorrow:)

A Day off Work!

It was THE longest "short" week at work! I had parent teacher conferences after school Tuesday from 5-8 pm. On Wednesday we had our Halloween party. Yesterday was a half day with the students, but more conferences from 1-4. I am SO happy to have today off. The girls and I are just hanging out right now. It's so nice! We're all still in our pajamas. So nice:)

Father's Day Photos

What a busy weekend this has been! On Friday, Mom and I took the girls to the STL Zoo. It rained on us a bit, but all in all it was a nice day. On Saturday, Mom and Dad, Rob and Tim and George all came over to help us put up a fence in the back yard so the girls have a safe place to play.

We spent Father's Day in IL this year with Shawn's dad and Roxana. Dwayne, Becky, Aidan, Holly, Jeff, Tyler and Grandma H were all able to be there, so it was a nice visit. The kids had fun playing in the wading pool and in the bounce house. Here are some pictures of the kids having fun in the sun!

Keira in the pool

Reagan in the pool

Tyler in the bounce house
Aidan in the sprinkler
Shawn and Diana
Dwayne and Becky
Jeff and Holly

Still More Photos!!

Here are a bunch of new pictures that I haven't posted yet...


Reagan smooching Daddy (@ Gramma and Pop's house)

Keira showing off her muscles...

Rea

They were playing "Ring Around the Rosey" and had just fallen down.

"Wink!"

Reagan drinking Sprite

New Pics of the Girls

I was reminded recently that it had been too long since I had updated my blog. It's been even longer since posting updated pictures of the girls! Here are a few of my favorite recent pictures. They're growing so much!
We were on our way to the store this morning and I glanced back at the girls sitting in the back seat. It suddenly hit me how BIG Keira looks! There is no longer anything "baby" about her. Her chubby baby fat is completely gone. She's getting so tall.
Reagan is growing pretty quickly too. She's in the same size clothes (tops and shorts) as big sis. Their body styles are completely different, though. Keira is tall and slim (like Daddy) and Reagan is short and plump (like Momma).

Anyway, hope you enjoy the pics;)

Chatterbox!

Well, Reagan went from only saying a few coherent words here and there to chattering constantly! Some of the things she says: Mommy and Daddy, Sister, Pop, Mamma, Nana, Papa, Sara, (ba)nana, pizza, vitamin, Play-Doh, baby, puppy dog, Uncle Rob, Uncle Tim, Holly, Ali, balloon, potty, color, yellow, blue, book, Elmo, I don't know, night-night, all done, all better, hi, hello, bye-bye, I love you, eat, Pop Tart, diaper, shower, flower, applejuice, I want applejuice, I want a hug, light....The other day, I swear she said "WalMart"! Geez, it seems like she just started talking all of the sudden. I remember being in such a hurry for Keira to start talking. With Reagan, I was content to have her stay "little" and not say much. Now that she is talking so well, she seems like such a big girl!

The funniest thing ever is listening to her and Keira talk together. Keira has become such a little "momma". Just this morning, she was telling Reagan, "Here you go. You can play with my gold medal. Just be careful with it, Sweetheart". *sigh* Where did my babies go??? :D

MAP Testing...EEEK!

MAP testing begins for us this week. EEEEEEEEEEK! Actually, the only thing I'm dreading about the week is the lack of prep time that I'll be receiving. Our special area teachers are being used as proctors, so all special area classes before noon are being canceled. That means that the 3rd and 5th grades will get their special areas, but 4th won't....typical (we always get the short end of the stick). I'm still planning to teach MO History, science and reading this week, but I'm going to try to fit in some down time, too. Standardized testing is stressful on these poor kiddos.

On the bright side, MAP testing means that the end of the school year is in sight. May 28 canNOT come fast enough to suit me! This has been a good school year overall....sweet, hardworking kids...but I'm so ready to spend some quality time at home with my girls. They're growing so quickly and I feel like I'm missing so much every day that I spend away from them.

Anyway, that's all from me for now. I'll try to update more frequently and post some pics of my darling girls.
G'night:)

A New Year

Wow, I can't believe another entire year has gone by. Life in our home is great. We had a nice Christmas, a relaxing New Year's Day and are enjoying some quiet time at home before I have to go back to work.

The girls are growing and changing every day. For Christmas, Keira received some "big girl panties", so we are potty training now in earnest. She wore panties from 10-5 on Monday (with the exception of naptime) and didn't have a single accident. Yay for Keira! I'm bribing her with Tootsie Rolls right now...but whatever works! She so badly wants to be a big girl. I told her that I'm not buying any more Pull-Ups after we run out of the ones we have now. She can either go in the potty like a big girl, or she can wear diapers like her baby sister. So far, so good :)

Speaking of baby sister, Reagan is great! I took her for her 12 month appointment (late, bad Mommy!) and she weighed 24lbs. and is 29" long. She's walking all over the place and has developed quite a personality. She loves to torment Keira by pulling her hair or taking toys away, but I think it's "survival of the fittest" around here to a point.

All in all, we're loving life!

Has it really been a year?!

I can't believe that we celebrated our baby's first birthday on Saturday. Can it be possible that it's really been a year since she entered our world? Amazing....
She has grown so much and is becoming so independent. When did that happen? It seems like yesterday Shawn and I were talking about trying to have a second baby....like only yesterday when we saw those 2 little lines for the first time. You know, we found out I was pregnant with Reagan six days after Keira's 1st birthday. I can't imagine 4 days from now finding out that I was pregnant. I think our family feels complete now, with our 2 precious daughters. God has truly blessed us.

I think back to last year...the panic when Reagan failed her NST...the fear I felt as I lie on the hospital table while the doctor did yet another ultrasound...the anxiety as I waited for my doctor to decide what to do...the way the pain medicine hit me and how nauseous I felt...the ride back to the operating room...the look on Shawn's face when Reagan was born. The absolute best part about that day was when I heard my sweet baby cry and they placed her in my arms for the first time. I knew then that it would all be ok.

Since then, I've toyed with the idea of what it would be like to have a 3rd baby. I think about what a rollercoaster ride the births of our daughters were. I know with absolute certainty that God had His hand on our babies and on me during my pregnancies...and it terrifies me to think about how things *might've* been if not for His grace. I almost think it would be too risky to try it again....that we should be grateful for the amazing gifts we have been given. And I am eternally grateful! What a wonderful family I have!

Long Time

Wow, sorry it's been so long since I've updated my blog! Things around here have been hectic since returning to work in August. Overall, life is good:)
Work is fine. I have a balanced class this year in terms of gender (12 boys and 11 girls) as compared to the craziness that was last year (16 boys and 6 girls). They seem to be a good group of kids...a bit immature, but I have to remember that they're still basically 3rd graders. They'll shape up soon, I'm sure.
On the homefront, things are great! Reagan will be 10 months old on Monday. She's crawling everywhere (including to the top of our steps..eeek!) and pulling up to a standing position on anything that stays still. I think she'll be walking in no time....if she would have enough confidence to just let go. She still only has two teeth (on the bottom), but that hasn't stopped her from eating "real" food. She especially loves mashed potatoes and Ramen noodles.
Keira will be 2 1/2 on Tuesday. We recently took the drop down side off of her crib and made it into a toddler bed. She feels like such a big girl sleeping in it. She's having fun at "school" and the progress with potty training is coming along (slowly but steadily).
Shawn just started his 3rd year with the Vision Center. I'm pretty sure he's still liking his job. They keep him pretty busy.
Well, I guess that's a good enough update. I'll post a few recent pics of the girls and us for your viewing pleasure (haha). Until next time.....................

Summer Vacation

It's been a while since I've updated my page, hasn't it? Sorry for being such a slacker. Things here are going pretty well. I've been at home with the girls since May and couldn't be happier. I'm not sure if I'm going to want to go back to work in August! We haven't really done much but it's been fun just hanging out.
Keira is too smart for her own good. She's so hilarious lately with the things she says. We're working on potty training, but it's pretty slow-going right now.
Reagan is growing like a weed! She has gotten her first tooth and is starting to become pretty mobile. She army crawls all over the house. She's also wearing the clothes that Keira wore last summer (at 15 months old).
Here are a couple of recent pictures of them. Enjoy!