Shawn took Keira to the doctor for her 6 month well-baby check up and immunizations last week. Her height and weight are finally on the charts! She's 14lbs 5oz and 24 1/2" long.
She's really quite active lately. Yesterday I was in the kitchen fixing dinner, and had put her on her blanket in the middle of the living room floor. I heard a bump, and then heard her crying. I looked up to see her under the kitchen table! She had crawled into the kitchen, and I guess her hands slipped, causing her to bump her head. She was frustrated, but ok.
She's also been trying to hold her own bottle and says "bababa..." all the time. My baby is growing so quickly!
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Thoughts of loss
I heard from a friend (a fellow teacher from the days of SLPS) the other day. She was one of two lifelines for me at Adams Elementary during the last (horrible) year. I knew that she and her husband had been trying for awhile to get pregnant. She said that they had been trying (unsuccessfully) for about six months. They had almost given up on concieving naturally, and were starting to consider fertility treatments. She decided to take a pregnancy test last weekend, just in case...and it was POSITIVE! She spent the entire week imagining life with a baby. They planned to tell their families this week. Then, on Thursday night, she miscarried. She e-mailed me with the news and said that she had been thinking of me, and what I had gone through. She asked me for advice...and I wondered, what advice can I possibly give?
I cried when I read her e-mail...the emotion was so real, so raw. Everything I felt that day a year and a half ago came flooding back to me...overwhelming me. So much has changed in my life since then.....most notably my beautiful daughter, for whom I thank God every day. And yet, I found myself reliving that terrible experience. I know now that if I had not experienced that loss, I would not have my Keira, which is a thought that is unimaginable to me. Still, I remembered....I remembered the sadness that I felt that I would never get to hold that baby...the anger that he (she?) had been taken away from me...the guilt that I had possibly done something to cause it...robbing my husband of a child and our parents of a grandchild. I remembered feeling resentful of and anger toward everyone I knew who was pregnant or had recently had a baby...and of those "unfit" parents who had been blessed with something I didn't have...and wondered if I could ever have. I remembered the people who were only trying to help ease my pain, but whose comments seemed so insensitive at the time. "It wasn't meant to be..." "You'll have a baby when the time is right..." and then when they learned it was a blighted ovum "Well, it should make you feel better that it wasn't really a baby anyway..." I began to feel all of those same things....and my heart ached...for myself, for our angel baby, but mostly for my friend. I have my daughter now...I know now what God's plan for my life was. At the time, I didn't and it was so hard to trust Him that he'd bring me through it. I think that must be what she's feeling now. On one hand, I'm an inspiration to her...I lost a baby, but I have my baby now. On the other hand, she isn't sure that she'll be able to have a baby. Those are the same thoughts that raced (angrily) through my head as I listened to woman after woman tell me of their stories of life after loss. I remember thinking "Good for you, but what if this is my only chance?" I just hope and pray that God's plan is for her to become a mom...just at a different time. She's a wonderful person and will be a fantastic mom. I can't get thoughts of her, and of that day (3/19/04) out of my head. Hopefully writing about it will help.
What an amazing thing that we as women are able to bring life into this world...and what a miracle it is. I think sometimes people take for granted how fragile life is.
I cried when I read her e-mail...the emotion was so real, so raw. Everything I felt that day a year and a half ago came flooding back to me...overwhelming me. So much has changed in my life since then.....most notably my beautiful daughter, for whom I thank God every day. And yet, I found myself reliving that terrible experience. I know now that if I had not experienced that loss, I would not have my Keira, which is a thought that is unimaginable to me. Still, I remembered....I remembered the sadness that I felt that I would never get to hold that baby...the anger that he (she?) had been taken away from me...the guilt that I had possibly done something to cause it...robbing my husband of a child and our parents of a grandchild. I remembered feeling resentful of and anger toward everyone I knew who was pregnant or had recently had a baby...and of those "unfit" parents who had been blessed with something I didn't have...and wondered if I could ever have. I remembered the people who were only trying to help ease my pain, but whose comments seemed so insensitive at the time. "It wasn't meant to be..." "You'll have a baby when the time is right..." and then when they learned it was a blighted ovum "Well, it should make you feel better that it wasn't really a baby anyway..." I began to feel all of those same things....and my heart ached...for myself, for our angel baby, but mostly for my friend. I have my daughter now...I know now what God's plan for my life was. At the time, I didn't and it was so hard to trust Him that he'd bring me through it. I think that must be what she's feeling now. On one hand, I'm an inspiration to her...I lost a baby, but I have my baby now. On the other hand, she isn't sure that she'll be able to have a baby. Those are the same thoughts that raced (angrily) through my head as I listened to woman after woman tell me of their stories of life after loss. I remember thinking "Good for you, but what if this is my only chance?" I just hope and pray that God's plan is for her to become a mom...just at a different time. She's a wonderful person and will be a fantastic mom. I can't get thoughts of her, and of that day (3/19/04) out of my head. Hopefully writing about it will help.
What an amazing thing that we as women are able to bring life into this world...and what a miracle it is. I think sometimes people take for granted how fragile life is.
Monday, September 12, 2005
Catching Up
Well, it's been awhile since I updated my site. Things here are still busy, just as I had anticipated. I'm actually writing this at school right now. My students are at recess (competing in a dodgeball or kickball tournament, I'm not sure which). I have all of my grading finished so far, and my lesson plans are current. HOORAY! I normally do this at home, but not until Keira goes to bed, because I miss her during the day and want to spend as much time as possible with her when I can.
Speaking of Keira....yesterday she turned SIX MONTHS OLD! I can hardly believe it. She also started crawling yesterday. Ok, so it was actually more like creeping, but it's something! She's mobile now and I have mixed emotions about that. I'm very proud of her and excited! At the same time, it makes me a bit sad that my little baby is growing SO quickly!
We had Holly and Jeff's baby shower for baby Tyler on Saturday. I think it was nice. I hope they liked it. They got some nice gifts. They both seemed ready for Tyler to make his arrival. Holly seemed especially ready. Not much longer, I think.
Anyway, that's really all that's new around here. I hope all is well with you!
....Until next time!
Speaking of Keira....yesterday she turned SIX MONTHS OLD! I can hardly believe it. She also started crawling yesterday. Ok, so it was actually more like creeping, but it's something! She's mobile now and I have mixed emotions about that. I'm very proud of her and excited! At the same time, it makes me a bit sad that my little baby is growing SO quickly!
We had Holly and Jeff's baby shower for baby Tyler on Saturday. I think it was nice. I hope they liked it. They got some nice gifts. They both seemed ready for Tyler to make his arrival. Holly seemed especially ready. Not much longer, I think.
Anyway, that's really all that's new around here. I hope all is well with you!
....Until next time!
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