I realized today that I'll be going back to work in just under a month. The thought both excites me and makes me crazily upset. I'm looking forward to another school year, to working with another group of kids, to feeling like I'm accomplishing something every day...having tangible evidence of my accomplishments.
On the other hand, the thought of not being here with Keira every day is starting to make me crazy! I look at her and think how lucky I've been to be able to spend so much time with her. How lucky I've been to watch her grow, to see every single change. Shawn is happy to go to work and come home in the evenings to us. I hope I can be that happy when the dreaded day comes that I have to return to work. I remember how extremely hard it was for me the three weeks I had to go back to school after maternity leave. Dropping her off in the mornings was the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time. But, God, how incredible the feeling was when I picked her up in the afternoon! I'm hoping that I'll be able to focus on the joy I feel when I see her rather than the ache I feel when I drop her off.
If I'm being completely honest, I'm also a bit worried (probably unnecessarily so) that she'll bond with her sitter (my aunt) and it'll weaken the bond that she and I have. I know that that's a silly thought....I'm her mother, after all, and she knows that. Part of me (a big part) is thankful that I have a family member who is willing and able to watch Keira for me. Another part of me thinks that daycare would almost be easier, emotionally, for me to deal with. I can't really verbalize what I mean by that. I don't have a doubt that she'll be safe and well cared for, and loved. Maybe I'm worried about losing some of my power as a mom...You know what I mean? It's harder for a daycare provider to become as attached to one child and as involved personally outside of the daycare setting. With a family member, it's different. If anyone out there can sympathize or offer any advice, please help!
ANYWAY thanks for listening to me rant, and feel free to offer advice. Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone in here.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Pediatrician Visit
I took Keira to the pediatrician today for her 4 month check up and her immunizations. I gave her a small dose of Infant Tylenol before the visit (I think Lisa recommended that), and then we were on our way to the office. When we got there, Heather weighed and measured her. She's 21" long and weighs 11lbs 9oz. She's gained almost eight pounds in four months. Dr. Land said that he was happy with how she's doing. He said she seems strong, healthy, and happy. For that, I am THANKFUL!
Then, Heather came back in to give her shots. That was the part I was dreading...and have been for awhile. Last time, I convinced Shawn to go with me to the office, but this time it was just Keira and me. Anyway, she gave her the shots (4 of them...2 in each leg) pretty quickly. But, it didn't matter. Keira still screamed and turned red. After Heather was finished, I picked Keira up to comfort her. She stopped screaming, but was still whimpering. I think that broke my heart more than the screaming did. I cuddled her for a few minutes before getting her dressed. Then, I gave her a bit of water from her bottle before we left.
She seems to be feeling ok. I gave her a bottle and now she's sleeping soundly. I'll have to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't have a fever this afternoon, tonight, and tomorrow. Hopefully she'll handle this round of immunizations as well as she did her 2 month shots.
You know, she doesn't cry for no apparent reason anymore, like she did when she was younger. I'm glad for that. Now she cries when she has a reason...like if she's really hungry or tired. It's the pained cry that kills me. I'd give anything just to take her pain away. Today when she was crying, she was gripping my neck and I just wanted her to feel better...I'd have given anything to comfort her.
I didn't realize how quickly I'd fall in love with this little person. I loved her already when I was pregnant, and then fell deeper in love the first time I held her. I think I started bonding with her from the beginning. But, now, that bond is even stronger...it didn't seem like it could get any stronger. I know what moms mean, now, when they say they'd die for their children. It's a feeling that you can't possibly know until you have one of your own (natural or adopted, I'll bet). I thank God for the opportunity to experience that feeling.
Then, Heather came back in to give her shots. That was the part I was dreading...and have been for awhile. Last time, I convinced Shawn to go with me to the office, but this time it was just Keira and me. Anyway, she gave her the shots (4 of them...2 in each leg) pretty quickly. But, it didn't matter. Keira still screamed and turned red. After Heather was finished, I picked Keira up to comfort her. She stopped screaming, but was still whimpering. I think that broke my heart more than the screaming did. I cuddled her for a few minutes before getting her dressed. Then, I gave her a bit of water from her bottle before we left.
She seems to be feeling ok. I gave her a bottle and now she's sleeping soundly. I'll have to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't have a fever this afternoon, tonight, and tomorrow. Hopefully she'll handle this round of immunizations as well as she did her 2 month shots.
You know, she doesn't cry for no apparent reason anymore, like she did when she was younger. I'm glad for that. Now she cries when she has a reason...like if she's really hungry or tired. It's the pained cry that kills me. I'd give anything just to take her pain away. Today when she was crying, she was gripping my neck and I just wanted her to feel better...I'd have given anything to comfort her.
I didn't realize how quickly I'd fall in love with this little person. I loved her already when I was pregnant, and then fell deeper in love the first time I held her. I think I started bonding with her from the beginning. But, now, that bond is even stronger...it didn't seem like it could get any stronger. I know what moms mean, now, when they say they'd die for their children. It's a feeling that you can't possibly know until you have one of your own (natural or adopted, I'll bet). I thank God for the opportunity to experience that feeling.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Baby on the way
We spent the afternoon/evening with Holly, Jeff, George and Roxana yesterday. I had an appointment to have my dress for Becky and Dwayne's wedding altered, and decided to get in touch with Holly and Jeff. Shawn and Keira spent the afternoon at the apartment with Jeff while Holly and I shopped for Becky's bridal shower and bachelorette party.
It was great getting to spend some time (just the two of us) for awhile. She is 30 weeks pregnant already. That's hard to believe!! We looked at the ultraound pictures, and I felt him kick. It's so unreal to me to imagine that in just a couple of months she'll be a mom! I couldn't be more excited and happy for her and for Jeff. I know they'll be wonderful parents. It's really great to see the way that Jeff is with Keira...imagine how he'll be when his own son gets here.
Shawn keeps joking that we need to have another baby soon...at least, I hope he's joking. I definitely want to have more children (at least one more), and he is the most AMAZING dad ever, but I want to wait for at least a year. I want to be able to focus entirely on Keira right now and give her all that she needs. Right now, she needs all of our attention. I think if I were pregnant again, it would be hard to give that to her. When she's more independent, I'd like to give her a brother or sister. I told Shawn that we should wait until after Holly and Jeff's baby gets here, then wait for Dwayne and Becky to get pregnant (or have a baby). Then, we'll talk about it again. Maybe by next summer...
It was great getting to spend some time (just the two of us) for awhile. She is 30 weeks pregnant already. That's hard to believe!! We looked at the ultraound pictures, and I felt him kick. It's so unreal to me to imagine that in just a couple of months she'll be a mom! I couldn't be more excited and happy for her and for Jeff. I know they'll be wonderful parents. It's really great to see the way that Jeff is with Keira...imagine how he'll be when his own son gets here.
Shawn keeps joking that we need to have another baby soon...at least, I hope he's joking. I definitely want to have more children (at least one more), and he is the most AMAZING dad ever, but I want to wait for at least a year. I want to be able to focus entirely on Keira right now and give her all that she needs. Right now, she needs all of our attention. I think if I were pregnant again, it would be hard to give that to her. When she's more independent, I'd like to give her a brother or sister. I told Shawn that we should wait until after Holly and Jeff's baby gets here, then wait for Dwayne and Becky to get pregnant (or have a baby). Then, we'll talk about it again. Maybe by next summer...
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Milestones
We spent the afternoon with Kelly and Amber & Bo and their girls. They're growing so quickly! Tristan will start kindergarten next month. She was just a little baby when Shawn and I got married! Gaby is 4 now. Elleana is (almost) 3 and is completely potty tained (has been for a while). Isabella (the youngest) is 8 months old. She crawls everywhere and is pulling up on everything. It's hard to picture Keira doing those sorts of things in just a few months.
Keira will be four months old TOMORROW (7/11/05). She weighed 10.5 pounds at last check. She's found her voice now, and babbles and squeals all the time. She also smiles in response to voices and faces. She's spending more play time on her tummy...trying to scoot forward. Last Sunday she rolled over (for the first time on purpose).
Holly and I were talking about motherhood on Friday. I told her that it seemed so surreal, when I was pregnant, that soon we'd have a little person to take care of. At first, it was an adjustment. But, in no time, it became so normal. This beautiful little baby has only been here for 4 months, and I cannot imagine what my life would be like if she weren't here. Amazing how quickly that happens...how quickly you can fall completely and totally in love. Who knew?
Keira will be four months old TOMORROW (7/11/05). She weighed 10.5 pounds at last check. She's found her voice now, and babbles and squeals all the time. She also smiles in response to voices and faces. She's spending more play time on her tummy...trying to scoot forward. Last Sunday she rolled over (for the first time on purpose).
Holly and I were talking about motherhood on Friday. I told her that it seemed so surreal, when I was pregnant, that soon we'd have a little person to take care of. At first, it was an adjustment. But, in no time, it became so normal. This beautiful little baby has only been here for 4 months, and I cannot imagine what my life would be like if she weren't here. Amazing how quickly that happens...how quickly you can fall completely and totally in love. Who knew?
Holly's Wedding
I'm late in posting the pictures from Holly's wedding...it was in May. But, I finally downloaded some of the pictures to my computer. I noticed as I was looking at them that I don't have any of Jeff (the groom) or any of the other guys. But, I was sort of busy during the ceremony....being Matron-of-Honor and all. It was a beautiful ceremony and Holly was a GORGEOUS bride!
Saturday, July 09, 2005
New Pictures (and crazy life update!)
I just posted several new pictures of Keira (with various other family members). I told you I can't stop taking pictures! I hope you enjoy them.
We're spending a lazy Saturday at home today. Life has been (and will continue to be) busy! Last weekend was Fourth of July weekend. We spent Saturday with Holly and Jeff. On Sunday we saw Mom and Dad, Rob, Lisa and Sara. Then we went to Bismarck on Monday night to watch the fireworks. Keira wasn't terribly interested in them this year...maybe next year she'll notice them.
Tuesday I had a meeting at work. Then, yesterday, Keira and I spent the day in St. Louis with Holly, planning Becky's bridal shower. The next two months will be filled with dress fittings, bridal showers, a bachelorette party, a wedding, and a baby shower. Did I also mention Shawn's birthday and the beginning of the school year? Oh well, that's life, I guess.
We're spending a lazy Saturday at home today. Life has been (and will continue to be) busy! Last weekend was Fourth of July weekend. We spent Saturday with Holly and Jeff. On Sunday we saw Mom and Dad, Rob, Lisa and Sara. Then we went to Bismarck on Monday night to watch the fireworks. Keira wasn't terribly interested in them this year...maybe next year she'll notice them.
Tuesday I had a meeting at work. Then, yesterday, Keira and I spent the day in St. Louis with Holly, planning Becky's bridal shower. The next two months will be filled with dress fittings, bridal showers, a bachelorette party, a wedding, and a baby shower. Did I also mention Shawn's birthday and the beginning of the school year? Oh well, that's life, I guess.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Camera Crazy
I think I've gone camera crazy! I bought a photo album yesterday that holds about 200 photos. The sad thing is that I already have it halfway filled...completely with photos of Keira! She's only (almost) 4 months old and I've taken about 150 pictures of her. So, I think that I could stop taking as many pictures. Then, I watch her make the cutest faces and think I'd be so mad at myself if I didn't capture it and she never made that face again. What's a mom to do?! I guess I'll just keep on taking pictures. Film isn't really that expensive after all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)