So, it's been three weeks since Pop died. They have been three emotional weeks, to say the least. I think I have felt every emotion that I can describe...from the sadness of losing him, to relief at the end of his suffering, to anger, and everything in between.
I've experienced the loss of people I've loved before, but not a single one of them affected me as deeply as losing my dad. It's a lonely feeling. Although I am blessed to have had the last six years with him, and to have gotten to spend much of his last week here on Earth with him, I am so sad that he had to leave us so soon.
Life goes on after someone dies, and it's a weird thing. I see-saw between normalcy and sadness and then just burst into tears with no warning. The strangest things make me cry.
A friend recently loaned me the book, "Heaven is For Real". I read it today, from cover to cover. It was really a fantastic book. I expected to read it and then just feel completely at peace with everything. That, however, is not the case. While I do feel peace at the reassurances that Heaven really IS up there and my dad is healthy and happy, and that I'll get to see him again someday....I am still so sad.
I haven't been able to describe the feeling accurately until today. The feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes my heart contract and forms a lump in my throat is just like being homesick.
I used to get homesick so badly when I was a kid. I came home early from church camp one year because I missed my parents so badly. I had a hard time spending the night at friends' houses when I was little. I even remember calling my mom and dad on the first night that I moved into my dorm room during college. Just hearing their voices calmed me down. I was soothed by the knowledge that I'd see them again soon, and it would all be alright.
This feeling is just like that. I know that I'll get to see Pop again someday, and that I'll hear his voice. It's just that the wait will be much longer this time around. The greatest reward, though, will be that when we meet again, we'll never have to say goodbye. Thank God for that.
